“Get those… things out of here this instant! Do you think this is a farm?” As Petunia continued her rant, the owls made their way to the window one by one, and finally only Hedwig remained. Petunia was saying, “We’ve been very, very tolerant of you this summer, and you decide toI Want To Punch You So Bad My Fist Has A Boner Shirt have an owl party in here? This is totally unacceptable behavior, and it will not be tolerated! Our patience with you is over! You will stay in this room for the next two weeks, coming out only to use the bathroom, and your window will be nailed shut when your uncle gets home! That’s it! That’s enough!” With that, she left the room, slamming the door after her.
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Petunia would no doubt have not been interested in hearing anything he had to say, and talking back would just have made her madder. He was actually not that bothered; the Dursleys’ home felt like a prison to him even when he had freedom of movement, so being confined to his room just made it a smaller prison. He wondered why Petunia had lost her temper so badly; he thought maybe she’d been looking for an excuse to scream at him ever since that day at the train station. She hated to be told what to do by anyone, much less a group of what she considered freaks. Harry turned his attention to the two latest arrivals. First the box, which contained a pair of what Harry recognized to be Extendable Ears, an invention of Fred and George’s, which allowed the user to I Want To Punch You So Bad My Fist Has A Boner Shirt listen in on nearby conversations. Included were three earpieces and a note: “Dear Harry, Please use them well. You probably won’t care to listen in on the Muggles, but you never know. We’re sure you can figure out why we sent extra earpieces. If you can, come by the shop before the term starts–Fred and George.” • 18 • Of course, Harry knew the reason for the extras; so Ron and Hermione could listen as well since the three of them were so often together.
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“Not going to be seeing you anytime soon, anyway,” he said to I Want To Punch You So Bad My Fist Has A Boner Shirt himself. He wondered if the Ears would come in handy much at Hogwarts. They certainly wouldn’t here, not unless he wanted to listen to Uncle Vernon boast about his latest business triumphs or complain about the rising number of immigrants. The newest letter was very short; it said simply, “Harry–be ready to leave at 1:00. Not your trunk or your things, just you. See you soon. Remus.” Harry excitedly looked at his clock; the time was 12:15. Would she dare? And why was Lupin picking Harry up? Where were they going? Harry ran through a dozen possible scenarios, but none made sense. The only times anyone had come to see him at Privet Drive had been when they came to take him away for the summer, but that was clearly not going to happen today. Well, Harry thought, at least he wouldn’t have to wait long to find out. At 12:30, the phone rang. Harry grabbed the Extendable Ears and slipped them under the door, in the direction of the stairs. He put in the earpiece just as Petunia was answering the phone. “Hello? No, he isn’t. No, I don’t know when he’ll be back. Goodbye.”
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