Imagine getting inside the narrow dead-end with a shitload of food. Feasting and then suddenly something big and noisy turns on the light, blocks the way out, and points at you with a strange wide rectangle. What does? So naw, seagulls are meth heads. They come up to you and just start screaming the Official Worlds Okayest Fisherman Vintage Shirt. If you have something they want. If you let your guard down they go in for the steal. Raccoons are just stoners who want munchies from your garbage can. Bro I was on the beach eating a sam mich one day and some random seagull snatched it outta my hand!!! On that day I became anti-seagull.
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I was eating fries on a ferry when I was a little kid, and seagulls swooped down, mobbed me, and stole all my fries. Fuck those guys. But Sam mich in the sand, fries on the ferry, you guys ever considered it’s the alliterations that are attracting the seagulls? I better get off this bike before continuing to eat my banana. One day, and my friends I were at the beach. One friend had Taco Bell an Official Worlds Okayest Fisherman Vintage Shirt. And he left it in its bag on his towel as he went to rinse his hands of sand. In the blink of an eye a seagull stole one of his burritos and fled. He was dismissed at the bird. But ate what was left of his food as the seagulls camped around us, waiting.
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As we left the beach to walk to the car. But I heard a commotion overhead and looked up in time to see two seagulls flying above, fighting over something. Then one won the fight and flew over us. And dropped what turned out to be an Official Worlds Okayest Fisherman Vintage Shirt… Which landed directly in my poor friend’s face. Just slapped him right in the face with that big-ass quesadilla. The only thing that really worried me was the ether. Then there is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a fox in the depths of an ether binge. And I knew we’d get into that rotten stuff pretty soon. So he def looks like a crackhead that got caught stealing coins out of an ashtray.
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